doption today is a common choice for building a family. Adoptions can involve stepchildren, relatives, private placements, agencies or foster programs.

Dr. Deborah Ann Borchers serves on the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Committee on Early Childhood Adoption and Dependent Care. She advises parents to:

• Hold, hug and love a lot. As a child gets used to an adoptive home, you can’t spoil, hold or love him too much. A child has needs and worries how they’ll be met. The new parent meets those needs. Trust builds as that cycle repeats.
  
• Let the child grieve the loss of a birth parent. Even a newborn knows his birth mother’s rhythms and voice. When the child enters a new setting, there’s an adjustment period.
  
• Discuss the differences. Talk openly with the child from day one about the adoption. You as a parent will get used to talking about issues that may come up someday. And so will the child.
  
• Learn more about adoption and find a support group. Read all you can and work with other adoptive parents. To help you avoid bad advice, the National Council for Adoption (NCFA) offers a reading list at its Web site.
  
• “Tell a child the truth,” adds NCFA Past President Bill Pierce. Talk to him in a way that fits his age. Remember, small children can’t grasp abstract concepts.

Every child, adopted or not, wants to hear his story. If you can’t remember specific details, that’s OK. Everyone who lives together as a family should be included as part of the story.

“You are not going to get it all right, but the most important thing is to do it with love,” says Dr. Borchers.

To Learn More

• National Adoption Center: 800-TO-ADOPT, www.adopt.org
  
• National Adoption Information Clearinghouse: 888-251-0075, www.calib.com/naic
  
• National Council for Adoption: 202-328-1200, www.ncfa-usa.org