“Only children are like any other kids. In fact, in some ways they’re better off. They’re more motivated in school, more likely to continue higher education and more driven to succeed. They also tend to be more healthy,” says Pete Stavinoha, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist on staff at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas.

Stavinoha attributes this to parents’ increased expectations for the child and their ability to focus family finances and attention on one child. And there’s no need to worry about spoiling: “Only children are no more spoiled than other kids. They don’t need siblings to learn how to get along with others,” Stavinoha says.

Bill McKibben, author of the book Maybe One: A Personal and Environmental Argument for Single-Child Families, says many parents feel boxed in by long work hours and think a second child would make life unmanageable. But they are concerned about damaging their only child by denying her a sibling.

If you have one child and are thinking of having another, Stavinoha advises: “If you want to enjoy the second child and have time and energy to devote, go ahead. But if you just are worried about your only child lacking siblings, there is no need.”

Experts offer these tips on how to build self-esteem in only children:

• Let them fail. Too many parents do too much for their children.
• Give your child time. Instead of giving your child a coloring book, give her a piece of paper. Then see what comes to her mind.
• Be consistent. Don’t walk out of day care fighting with the director because your kid had a bad lunch, then stop for fast food on the way home.
• Get your child to explore his own world. Be an explorer with him.