“It’s important for parents to be aware of what behaviors are part of normal sibling rivalry, and when it’s time to get help,” says Pete Stavinoha, a neuropsychologist at Children’s Medical Center Dallas. “The psychological implications can follow a child for the rest of his life.”

Following are ways for parents to deal with sibling rivalry:

• Keep an eye out for escalating situations. “It’s normal for kids to fight over minor things such as toys, who gets to sit in the front seat or who gets to go on a ride first,” Stavinoha says. “However, it’s important to ensure that siblings negotiate, and that appropriate consequences be put in place if the situation is not resolved in a civilized manner.” For example, a toy can be taken away, no one can sit in the front seat or no one gets on the ride.
• Do not play favorites or reward one child over the other. “Consequences should affect both children, not just one or the other,” he says. “The goal is for the children to reach a proper resolution on their own. When a parent interferes and favors one child, the other sibling harbors resentment, especially if this happens often.”
• Take appropriate action if arguments become physical. “At no time should children feel that it’s appropriate to harm a sibling in an effort to get what they want,” Stavinoha says. “Consequences for physical violence should be immediate and consistent with family values. This is an opportunity for parents to model the appropriate reaction for anger. Rather than yell at or spank the child, remove the child from the situation and/or take away a privilege.” Listen for words such as “hate” or “despise” and talk to your child about his feelings. Stavinoha says parents should seek help through family or school counselors if siblings seem excessively angry or violent.