They’ve seen basketball star Michael Jordan proudly hoisting a trophy, and they’ve seen famed figure skater Nancy Kerrigan enduring abuse. But as kids learn how to handle winning and losing, their parents are their No. 1 role models.

The signals you send – from your toddler’s first board game to your teen-ager’s spelling bee – can set a pattern for the rest of their lives.

“Many parents underestimate their importance as role models,” says Lil Diaz, Ph.D., a psychologist on staff at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas. The best way to teach your children good behavior is to behave yourself.

“If they see you scream at the umpire during a softball game or lose your temper when things don’t go your way at work or when you’re in traffic, kids learn that type of behavior is acceptable,” says Diaz.

If you suspect your children might overreact during a game, talk them through it beforehand.

“Talk to them about what you expect: good, fair behavior. Give them examples of what fair behavior looks like. Acknowledge that they may feel frustrated and even mad when things don’t go their way. Talk about appropriate ways that your child can handle their anger or frustration on the field and off,” she says. Once the game begins, just watch. Don’t overreact.

Never single out a child, even your own, in front of his peers. “Wait for the storm to pass, then take your child to the side and talk about what happened. Problem-solve other ways your child might have handled the situation. Praise your child for their attempts at handling anger in appropriate ways,” says Diaz.

When talking to your child, kneel down, look your child in the eyes and speak slowly in a low voice – it helps calm him down.

“Let her know that sometimes we don’t achieve our goal,” Diaz adds. “Aiding your child in tolerating frustration and disappointment is just as important to his development as experiencing victory.”